Me vs. You

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Growing up, I always kept my head down. Stay quiet and no one will notice you. Do what you can and not any more than that.

Not my best strategy as I later learned…

My parents certainly encouraged me to work hard and focus solely on academics. There was no time for anything else — socialization. Making friends was not important to them because they considered family as being all that you needed.

I remember conversations they had about the nice cars their friends were driving, the grand homes they were living in, and the stylish clothes they wore. They would say that style of living wasn’t for them. They didn’t need those things to be happy, yet, they often pointed it out. Simple was enough.

When I tried to dress a little nicer, curled my hair for school, they would say I was only doing those things to “show off”. Even as adult, they would say the same. As you can figure, my self esteem was low. Not only did they judge others, but they judged me. I fell into the comparison trap. Today, it still haunts me…

I see you and then I see me. Why is it taking me so long to get where you are? And how were you able to achieve your goals in just a few months?

Maybe I am destined to be who I am and you will always be one, two, or three steps ahead of me. (Always falling behind and failing to recognize my own value.)

You seem HAPPY. Do I appear that way to you?

I spend too much time wondering what it’s like to be you. (Focus on me, less on you.)

What do you do? How am I different? You have light hair and sun kissed skin. I have dark hair and spotted, dark skin.

Comparison does not equal joy, I know. But does it encourage you to be a better version of yourself.


Leave Some Room for Me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

For years, I have hesitated to fill this space with words. At times, I’ve felt inspired to chronicle my life here, but FEAR has always held me back. I remember asking myself, What makes my content unique? What gifts or messages do I want to share with others? What value could I possibly add to your life?

I know that during this time, I have let so many others inspire me with their ideas and suggestions. Can I do the same?

So, now, nearly 10 years from when I first considered creating a space like this, I am finally brave enough to begin transcribing my thoughts. My husband will likely be my sole follower. Perhaps, he will learn more about me that he was unaware of before.

I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years. I left a nice job with nice pay and settled into my new role (with some resistance). My husband became and is the sole financial provider for our family. But my chapter as a stay at home mom is coming to a close as all 3 of my children will enter school in the fall.

It’s time to start a new chapter. This time though, I’m not following as clear a path that was designed for me. For example, when I graduated from high school, my direction was clear — attend college, get a job, marry, and bear children. What’s next?